The Journey Continues:Quick Monday update

 Friday evening Richard actually seemed like he had some energy and stayed up until 10:00 pm.  He hasn't done that in a LONG time.  The next day was very different. He ran a temperature on Saturday of 102.3 and he felt very tired and short of breath unless he was laying down.  He did a lot of coughing, gagging and throwing up.  The fever was gone by Sunday but he just couldn't get moving.  He still was having shortness of breath when moving around and very fatigued.  He seemed very tired still this morning but went to work.  He will go to work anytime he can drag himself to his truck.  Hopefully he will be able to build up some leave days so that he will take time off if needed.  He will see the sinus Doctor Friday.  Pray that he will have some answers.

Psalm 18:35-36

New International Version (NIV)

³⁵ You make your saving help my shield,
    and your right hand sustains me;
    your help has made me great.
³⁶ You provide a broad path for my feet,
    so that my ankles do not give way.

The Journey Continues:Yesterday's Dr. appointment

It was a long day yesterday but the Doctor did say that he thought Richard was doing better.  He is curious to see what the ear, nose and throat Doctor will have to say about Richard's sinus problems and what his course of action will be.  He did say that Richard's lungs could be a graft/vs/host issue and is going to have several pulmonary function test done.  The test will not be done until his next appointment at the bone marrow clinic on August 29th.  He said that the lungs are still recovering from the pneumonia and if the test were run now they results would not be right.   Richard seemed to have had a good day today.  He does seem just a tad cranky but that is OK!!  I think he is just ready to feel half way normal or even a quarter of the way to normal right now.

Isaiah 40:31

New International Version (NIV)

³¹ but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.

The Journey Continues:Strength

Richard was full of strength and resolve when he was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma in 2009.  He was ready to get the six months of chemo over with and back to normal.  When that didn't happen he was still full of strength, hope and ready to do whatever it took to get this phase of his life over with and  back to going on vacations, golfing, fishing, gardening and doing yard work.

The chemo, transplants and graft/vs/host problems has taken a toll on his strength.  You could probably compare where he started in 2009 as a full pie.  Now after another 22 pound weight loss(since July 3rd), and the June hospital stay I would say he is probably down to a slice.  Richard has no physical strength, he is exhausted but he is still going.  The way that he is functioning at this point is in the strength of God.  God has Richard in His Hand and has covered him with strength and love!  I am thinking that is where we all should be.  In His strength not ours!!

Richard does have an appointment today at the Bone Marrow clinic and will receive an infusion of IGG.  Hopefully the infusion will boost his immune system and help him regain some of his physical strength.  He will also see the ear, nose and throat specialist next week.  This Doctor should be able to help with his sinus problems and the drainage, coughing, gagging and throwing up!  Richard's goal is a vacation next year!!

Thanks again for the prayers.  You guys are amazing!!

Psalm 59:17

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁷ You are my strength, I sing praise to you;
    you, God, are my fortress,
    my God on whom I can rely.

Dennis Jernigan
You Are My All In All lyrics

You are my strength when I am weak
You are the treasure that I seek
You are my all in all
Seeking You as a precious jewel
Lord, to give up I'd be a fool
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
[ Lyrics from: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/dennis_jernigan/you_are_my_all_in_all.html ]
Taking my sin, my cross, my shame
Rising again I bless Your name
You are my all in all
When I fall down You pick me up
When I am dry You fill my cup
You are my all in all

Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

Oh my
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name
Jesus, Lamb of God
Worthy is Your name

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/d/dennis_jernigan/#share

The Journey Continues:A so-so weekend

Richard had a few good days last week but this weekend he was really tired.  He did alot of coughing, gagging and throwing up.  He got dressed for church Sunday morning but then was so tired he could not go. He misses helping in the third grade Sunday School class but he also misses the singing and the sermons.  He misses seeing his friends at church.  He is at work this morning but he had a rough night.  He was up several times coughing and throwing up.  He will be seen at the bone marrow clinic on Wednesday and he will also receive an IGG infusion.  Hopefully that will give him a boost.  He does appreciate the cards, phone calls and prayers, as do I!!

Romans 8:27

New International Version (NIV)

²⁷ And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

Happy Birthday, James, Your only 16 right???

It doesn't seem possible that 30 years ago today I was getting ready to head to Mercy hospital to have my first child.  How does time fly by like that?  It seems like only yesterday!  Got to the hospital at nine after being in labor for about three hours and was told that I was dilated to a seven and that the baby was butt first and that it was a girl!!  By eleven I was fully dilated and they told me to push.  I pushed and pushed and pushed and pushed but nothing happened.  I was thinking that the baby was holding on to my ribs telling us no, no I like it in here.  At one the doctor told me that if it was ok with me that he wanted to do a c-section.  I was ready!!  The baby was born at 1:13 pm and the first thing the doctor said was look at that hair and then he said oh by the way it's a boy!!  It was a boy with shiny white blond hair.  They brought him up to my face and he wasn't crying but he looked me straight in the eye and said hello, mommy!! LOL Well maybe he wasn't talking yet but he did look me straight in the eye. Thanks for being my first child James!! You are the best first child that anybody could have!! LOVE YOU!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Psalm 127:3

New International Version (NIV)

³ Children are a heritage from the Lord,
    offspring a reward from him.

The Journey Continues:A GOOD day yesterday!

Yesterday Richard had a good day.  He made it through the day at work and still had enough energy after resting, to stay awake and have a conversation.  He actually stayed awake enough to watch a show until it ended at nine!  He still doesn't have much of an appetite and is still coughing, gagging and throwing up.  So far this morning though he has not thrown up.  We did hear from the nurse at the bone marrow Doctor's office and his kidney function is elevated a bit.  He had to go back on one of the medicines for that, has to drink lots of water and stay out of the heat.  Today he should be able to do that as he has a class that will be inside all day!!

2 Chronicles 6:19

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁹ Yet, Lord my God, give attention to your servant’s prayer and his plea for mercy. Hear the cry and the prayer that your servant is praying in your presence.

The Journey Continues:Thursday, July 19th

Yesterday Richard left work early and arrived home looking very pale and having trouble breathing.  I wanted to take him to ER but he refused.  I told him that if didn't get any better that I would just drag him to the hospital.  He did, with rest, get better.  His breathing calmed but the tiredness persists.  He said that he feels much better today than yesterday.  He is still very pale, has no appetite, coughing and throwing up. He has went to work. Thanks for the continued prayers!!

Isaiah 41:10

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁰ So do not fear, for I am with you; 
    do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
    I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

The Journey Continues:A very quick update.

Richard is in his second week back at work and struggling through each day.  He did get the results from the cat scan on his sinus area.  They said that he has chronic sinusitis and he will see an eye,nose and throat Doctor on the 3rd of August.  He still has drainage, coughing and throwing up.  He has very little desire to eat but he does try.  He said yesterday he thought that he made it through the day easier than the day before.  He will see the bone marrow Doctor next Wednesday and also have that IGG infusion.  He said that he really appreciates the prayers and doesn't know how he would make it without them.  Thanks again for the prayers!!!

Psalm 66:19

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁹ but God has surely listened
    and has heard my prayer.

The Journey Continues:The Fear Tears

Last night my granddaughter spent the night at our house.  Her daddy was working late and we love having her here.  She and my youngest daughter(only daughter) had cleaned out a closet during the day yesterday and spotted what they thought was a dead spider in the corner.  They had me look at it when I got home from work and I must say that it looked dead.  My feeling is that all spiders should be dead and I must confess that I have spread that feeling to my two young ladies.  I was in bed when a crying granddaughter came to my side with tears in her eyes.  She was not willing to sleep in the room that had a spider in the closet.  I completely understand her feelings.

I told her that I would get rid of the spider.  So armed with a broom I bravely went to find the dead spider and flush it down the stool.  I looked in the closet but could not find that dead spider.  That is when I saw something move out of the corner of my eye.  I kept the panic in check and somehow knocked that giant spider off the side of the closet wall, onto the floor and through silent screams, I hit that spider.  It was huge, had lots of ugly eyes and tried to pounce on me.  I KILLED that spider, not just once, but twice, probably three or four times.  I didn't tell the girls that the spider had been alive.  I just showed my granddaughter the dead carcass and had her watch me flush it.

I went back to bed and then I started having flashbacks.  I know it had only been a few minutes but shudders and silent screams filled my head as I watched myself over and over killing that beast of a spider.  I felt the tears of fear hit the edge of my eyes and I tried to calm down.  It was not long before I realized that the beast I was trying to kill was the what ifs.  What if I hadn't killed that spider?  What if it bitten one of the girls.  I calmed myself down but the flashback started again but this time they were different and as I felt those fear tears again I realized that this time I was trying to use that broom to kill the what ifs of cancer, transplants and graft/vs/host disease that have invaded my husband.  I felt the tiredness as I felt the what ifs of what could have been and what could be penetrate my mind.

I finally, after several long minutes, realized what I was doing.  Those what ifs are mind numbing and they send fatigue throughout my body and mind.  I went to the One that has the answers!  I gave Him my what ifs, the flashbacks, the tiredness and the fear tears and ask Him to keep them. I asked Him to wrap me up in His grace and mercy and then I slept.  I can't handle the beastly what ifs but God can.  He is the One that can flush all my doubts, fears and what ifs away. They do remind me of a great big, ugly spider and I will continue giving them to Him every time they slither back into my mind. God not only will sweep them away, He will comfort me with his strength and love!

Psalm 59:16

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁶ But I will sing of your strength, 
    in the morning I will sing of your love; 
for you are my fortress, 
    my refuge in times of trouble.

Blank Mind

I woke up this morning with plenty of time to write but as I settled in to do just that I discovered something.  My mind is full of nothing, it is blank again.  I thought something would come to me and it finally did.  I need my mind blank to hear from God.  I need it empty of all anger, deceit or envy.  I need to forget all hurts, slander, fear and remorse.  I need my mind empty so that God can fill it.

God can paint a new canvas on my blank mind.  He can paint in forgiveness, encouragement, love and humbleness!  God can fill my empty mind with His love and mold me to look more like Him!

Romans 10:9

New International Version (NIV)

⁹ If you declare with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.


I have been saved but sometimes I still allow my mind to simmer with all the old things and I have to get to the point of an empty mind so that God can speak to me.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet^[a] no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

What about you?  Do you need a blank mind?

The Journey Continues:Back at work

Richard is on his third day back at work.  He seems to be just making it but he is very determined. He would tell you though, 'Those are not my words, they are my wife's'.  He said he had to hold on to a fence twice yesterday because he could feel the blackness closing in.  He said it was because he had to bend down and close a valve.  I still think that one more week of rest would have been better for him but when my husband gets something in his mind most of the time you just can't change it for him.  He is still coughing, has drainage and very weak.  He did make it this morning without throwing up so that may be a step in the right direction.  He did have a cat scan done Monday but we have not received any results yet.

I can't tell you guys enough that we appreciate the prayers!! THANKS!!!

Psalm 18:2

New International Version (NIV)

² The Lord is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; 
    my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge, 
    my shield^[a] and the horn^[b] of my salvation, my stronghold.

The Compromised Bridge

Last year when Richard had his bone marrow transplant I spent many hours traveling back and forth from Enid to Oklahoma City.  I would take different routes but I did travel down Highway 74 quite often.  One day when I was heading back home I came upon a sign that said Compromised Bridge and something about only vehicles under certain weights should cross this bridge.  I slowed down almost to a stop and then very slowly drove over the bridge.  I looked it over but could not see where the compromise was.  Every time I took that route I looked for the compromise.  Several days there were road trucks and men working  but everything looked the same.  I still sometimes look that bridge over very careful when driving across it.  It has been over a year since I have seen that sign but I still have not figured out what the compromise was.  It has taken me a while to travel across that bridge without thinking about the compromise.

One day when going across that bridge I realized that my life is just like that bridge.  How many times have I compromised but no one could see it.  There would be no evidence showing a compromise in my life but I would know.  God would know too.  I always have a choice if there is compromise in my life.  I can hide it or I can go to the One that will fix it.  God sees a compromise even when others do not.  I can let the compromise simmer in my life with cracks that can snake out into all areas of my life.  I could let the compromise stay in my life until I would not be able to function but if I go to my God, He will restore my soul and cover the compromise with His love and forgiveness!

What about you?  Have you compromised? Do you know my God.  He is the compromise fixer!

Job 22:22-23

New International Version (NIV)

²² Accept instruction from his mouth 
    and lay up his words in your heart. 
²³ If you return to the Almighty, you will be restored: 
    If you remove wickedness far from your tent

Romans 3:23-24

New International Version (NIV)

²³ for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, ²⁴ and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.

Two pennies

I learned at an early age that I could pray to God about anything and I did.  One day I was sitting in the pickup truck in Chandler, Oklahoma waiting for my mom to get back from her errands and I saw the meter maid heading my way.  I looked at the meter and noticed it was expired.  I was probably ten or eleven and I thought that my mom would be very upset if she came back and had received a ticket.  I looked all over that pickup for a coin  but could not find one so I started praying.  I looked down again and there was a shiny penny lying on the floorboard.  It had not been there before.  I grabbed that penny, jumped out of the pickup and inserted it into the meter just seconds before the meter maid reached that meter.

At a later time in my life I found myself praying for money again.  This was at a time when the bills far outweighed the amount of money that was in the bank.  One day in particular I sent petition after petition to God asking for money.  The next day I received an envelope in the mail.  Inside that envelope was an advertisement from a local company but nestled down in the bottom of the envelope was a penny.

God used both those incidents to teach me about Him.  I learned that God does answer prayers.  I learned that sometimes you get what you ask for and sometimes you don't.  I also learned that God has a sense of humor.  When I realized that there was a penny in the bottom of that envelope I laughed.  I learned that God is in control and  He knows what is best for me! 

Psalm 18:30

New International Version (NIV)

³⁰ As for God, his way is perfect: 
    The Lord’s word is flawless; 
    he shields all who take refuge in him.

The Journey Continues:Sinus problems?

Richard woke up Tuesday morning with a little more color in his cheeks and the remark that he felt better than he had in quite a while.  He had an appointment at 1:30pm with the Doctor in Oklahoma City.  He still was coughing, gagging and very tired.  We always have to arrive there early to have the blood work and any other test that they have ordered before seeing the Doctor.

He did his blood work and checked in at the front desk and there were no orders for more test so we found a place to wait.  There was a couple sitting on the couch near the chairs that we sat in.  I went to get some water and on the way back I saw Richard with the trash can in his hands, close to his face.  The closer I got I realized that he was throwing up.  The second time this happened I talked to the front desk person and they moved us to a room.  The people next to us were very grateful I am sure!

The doctor came in right at 1:30(a miracle!!) and listened to Richard's lungs, looked up his nose, down his throat,  felt his lymph nodes, poked on his stomach and looked at his skin.  He asked him several questions and told him that his lungs sounded good and that he thought he had some sinus problems.  He will have a cat scan this week on his sinus area and might have to have it drained.  If he is not having sinus problems it could possible be graft/vs/host problems.  He told Richard that his fatigue is because he has been sick for so long and that hopefully this will resolve soon.  There is the possibility that Richard will be able to return to work Monday.  The swelling seems to have resolved and his potassium levels were normal.  They also said that the CMV cells were negative the last two times and that if they were negative this time he will be able to go off of the medicine for that.  This is the medicine that messes with his white blood cells.

This morning Richard is still moving slow but does seem to feel a bit better!! So far no throw up!!

Thanks again for the prayers.  Richard is grateful and so am I!!!

Philippians 4:6

New International Version (NIV)

⁶ Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 

Update on Brantley Jacobs, July 3rd

This is a picture of Brantley cuddling with his mom and I am sure that you can see that he is growing and that he loves to cuddle.  He is six months old now and is trying to do the stuff that babies do at this age.  He interacts with his parents and siblings, coos, laughs, likes his toys and is trying to turn over.  He can turn the top part of his body over but his heavy leg has kept him from getting the bottom part of his body turned.

Brantley and his parents will be traveling to Dallas this month.  They want to see if he can be treated there because that would be so much closer to home.  They have been to Boston in the past and have been told that his leg needs to be amputated around one year old.  Please keep them in your prayers as they travel and decide what is best for their son.  This can take a toll on a family emotional and financially.  There is a fund set up if you would like to donate.  It is Brantley Jacobs c/o Haleigh Jacobs at First National Bank and Trust, at 1100 N. Council, Blanchard, OK. 73010

The first blog I wrote about Brantley is The Journey of Brantley Jacobs, then A Story of Birds and Thinking about Brantley Jacobs and then Fund Raiser and Update on Brantley Jacobs.  If you haven't read about Brantley catch up on his story and then maybe you could put him and his family on your prayer list!!

Psalm 54:2

New International Version (NIV)

² Hear my prayer, O God;
    listen to the words of my mouth.

                                         

The Journey Continues:Quick update on Sunday Evening

Richard seems to regressed a bit the last few days.  He has ran that low grade temperature off and on and has had trouble breathing a few times.  He went to the store with me yesterday but had to go out to the truck before we finished.  He is still very fatigued and sleeps a lot.  He went to the Falls Creek service tonight at church and it wore him out.  He said he has already missed so much of Sarah's stuff he wasn't going to miss this one.  He does still have swelling and his feet swelled up like big balloons while they were down during the service.  He has decided that he will extend his time off at least one more week.  He has an appointment with the Doctor on Tuesday but I will be talking with them tomorrow.

Please pray that the Doctors will have the wisdom and knowledge to get him going back in the right direction.  Thanks again to my wonderful prayer warriors!!

Psalm 88:13

New International Version (NIV)

¹³ But I cry to you for help, Lord;
    in the morning my prayer comes before you.