Do you wear the shoes that only fit perfectly?

                                                          

                                               

Have you ever put on shoes that didn't quite fit but you liked them so you bought them anyway and you ended up never wearing them?  Maybe though you only buy and wear shoes that fit?  I was thinking about this the other day when I saw a pair of shoes that I let my daughter talk me into buying online.  Of course they were too narrow and tight for my fat feet but I wore them once.  I don't think my feet will ever be the same again.

This made me think of the many shoes that my husband used to wear.   He wore the shoes of husband, father, Sunday School teacher, provider, golfer, fisherman, cook and he wore these shoes very comfortably.  He also wore many shoes that he didn't particular like or have to.  He wore the shoes of  washing dishes, changing diapers, taxi driver, sweeping, mopping and even sometimes cleaning the bathrooms.  He also wore the shoes of cancer.

In wearing the shoes of cancer Richard touched many lives with his strength and determination.  He also touched many lives by sharing his testimony of being in a win-win situation.  The final shoes he wore here on earth was the shoes of death.  He now wears the shoes of every lasting life!

His wish would be that you would wear the shoes of eternal life!  He is living an eternal life because he accepted Christ as his Savior! What about you?  If you died today would you be able to put on the shoes of eternal life? 

The shoes of eternal life will fit perfect!  You will never be the same!

John 3:16 (NIV)

 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.

Ephesians 6:15 (NIV)

 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.

Don't call me a widow

The other day one of the deacons from the church asked me if I wanted to go to the widow's banquet this next week.  I told him no I didn't want to go and not to call me a widow.  I told him I wasn't old enough to be called a widow, that should be for woman that are 100 years old, certainly not one my age.  Though I know that many woman have lost their husbands at younger ages than I am it just felt odd to me.

I am sure that each person that loses a spouse have different feelings and thoughts.  Here are some of my thoughts from the last 12 days.

I wondered if it was a dream.

I wondered what I needed to do and how to act.

I wondered if I would drown in the sea of loneliness.

I wondered about my husband in heaven, with no more pain and no more sorrow!

Here are some thoughts that I know are true.

My God will sustain me!

My God gives me comfort and hope!

My God sends people to me at just the right time with just the right words!

My God gives me all I need plus more!

My God is there when the loneliness sets in.

My God reminds me that I will see Richard again!

I know in my brain that yes technically I am a widow but it still just seems so odd!  I don't know if I will get used to hearing it but I promise I won't bite your head off if you slip and call me a widow!
Thanks for reading my ramblings!

Romans 8:39New Living Translation (NLT)

39 No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Valentines Day 2016

                                 

Yesterday was my first Valentine's day without my husband.  I watched as others celebrated the day with one of my favorites, chocolates, and thought of my husband in heaven.  I celebrate the fact that he is in heaven, with no more pain, no more sorrow but oh how I miss him!  Richard always gave me chocolate among other things and I sat and thought about the many Valentine's Days that we had together.

I kept going back to one before we were married, in fact we weren't even engaged yet.  Now you might need to know that Richard was taught that you don't show your feelings.  He was taught that if you show your feelings that this could be used against you.

I worked for an eye doctor on the Valentine's Day that I am thinking about it.  I looked up when I heard the the door open and saw Richard coming through the door at work.  His face was lit up and I saw that in his hands he held flowers and chocolates.  He let his feelings shine through on that Valentine's Day!  He stepped out of his comfort zone and in doing so changed the course of my history!

While I was thinking about that day I thought of another who stepped out of His comfort zone. Jesus left the comfort of heaven and came to earth.  He came through that door for me and for you!  He endured torture and death because He was willing to step out of His comfort zone.  He wants us to open that door that leads to Him!

Have you opened that door?  Step out of your comfort zone and find the Savior waiting!

It could change the course of your history!

This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.

1 John 4:10 

John 3:16-17 

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

 

The Journey Continues:The final chapter

                                          

                                           

                                             

I certainly did not think that I would be writing about the final chapter of my husband's life for many years.  At least that was what I was praying for. The last year was very hard for Richard.  His hip broke and then he was diagnosed with esophageal cancer but he still fought.  He was fighting to stay with his family and friends.  I believe that God gives most people the will to stay on earth.

The last week of his life he was not able to have liquids through the mouth only through his feeding tube.  This was heartbreaking at times as he begged for water.  He would just repeat over and over water please, then ice and then finally he would settle for a swab with water on it.  He is now with the Lord and he is drinking of the living water!

One thing that my husband would tell me was no more tears!  In heaven there will be no more tears but here for those left to morn there have been tears but also laughter in remembering the life of a man that fought the good fight.  He fought this fight through the power of Jesus!

He would be the first to tell you that Jesus is the way the truth and the life and that through Jesus you can come to the living water!  This is what you need to beg for.    He would want you to know that Jesus died on the cross and rose again for him and for you.  If he was here today he would say please drink from the living water!!

Don't settle for a swab, ask for the living water!

John 14:6New International Version (NIV)

6 Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

The Journey Continues:Caregivers

Yesterday morning when I got to the hospital I found my husband just a tad upset with the caregiver that had taken care of him during the night.  It seems that if someone is going to be a nurse or an aide then that person should keep their personal opinions  to themselves.  I am thinking that when you are a caregiver you should take an oath to treat everybody the same whether you like them or not.

Now I am not saying that my husband or any other patient is never wrong, or cranky but to the nurse or aide their motto should always be that the patient comes first no matter how many times that they push their call button.  You signed up for this!!  I have also noticed during the eight hours or so that I am with my husband during the day that some of nurses or aides during the time that I am there come to work cranky and they don't leave it at the door when they walk into the hospital.

The night aide called my husband a name as he left the room the night before as he left the room.  My husband also made the comment that he had heard him call another patient a name the night before.  Of course I talked with the head nurse and Richard didn't have this particular aide last night but I hope that that aide was told he needs to treat the patient with dignity and respect!

Okay rant over but I can tell you that there is One who treats us all the same.  It doesn't matter if a person is sick and cranky.  It doesn't matter if it is an opinionated caregiver.  It doesn't matter if that person is beautiful or ugly.  It doesn't matter if a person is rich or poor.  The One that came to die on the cross came so that we might have eternal life and His name is Jesus!

If you are a caregiver having a hard time being nice to patients that you don't like, or  that you think push that call button one to many times, you can leave it at the Saviors feet.  If you are the patient being called names and have cranky caregivers you can leave it at the Saviors feet!  If you are that upset spouse you can leave it at the Saviors feet.  No matter where you are or what your mission in life is you can leave your sin at the Saviors feet!  He doesn't care how many times you push His call button! Jesus is the ultimate Caregiver!

Do you know my Savior?  He is the one that can give you the grace to treat people with dignity and respect!

John 3:16-17New International Version (NIV)

16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

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When the Sky is Gray

                                             

This morning I saw the sun peeking through the clouds!  The last few days it has been cold and cloud covered.  Now I don't mind the gray days.  I like cuddling up with my cover and reading a book.  Sometimes I use the days like that to clean.  I know though that there are those that do not like gray days.  They seem to shut down and maybe get a little depressed.  I know though that even though I can't see the sun, it is still there.

It also reminded me that there is a Son that peeks through the clouds and that there are times when I don't see or feel my Savior.  I let the happenings, words and tiredness cloud  the presence of my Lord.  I have to remember that there are times when I won't feel the presence of my Lord but that doesn't mean He is not there.  Those are the days to cuddle up and read the Bible.  Those are the days to clean my heart and rid it of of sin and insecurities.  I know that even though there are times I don't feel the presence of the Lord that He is always there!

What do you do when the sky is gray?  What do you do when your heart is gray?

John 8:12

When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world.Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.

Psalm 89:15  

 Blessed are those who have learned to acclaim you,
    who walk in the light of your presence, Lord.

The Journey Continues:The Crooked Road that Leads to the Lopsided Mountain

                                         


A friend asked me the other day, on private message, about my husband.  So I proceeded to tell her how the week had went and what was going on.  I ended it with, "It could be the Crooked Road that Leads to the Lopsided Mountain".   She was intrigued and wondered what that meant.

Richard has been fighting Cancer since 2009 and finally the first cancer went in remission in the fall of 2013, then this past year he was diagnosed with a new cancer, esophageal cancer.  The radiation and chemo seemed really hard on him but it was all part of that crooked road.  A cat scan has shown that the tumor is still there but it has shrunk.   After the treatments were over he was starting to feel better and then another crook in the road showed up with pneumonia and two different stays in the hospital.  Looking down the road thinking the beautiful mountain might be in sight weakness set in and Richard found himself not being able to get out of chairs, getting stuck and other things I will not mention. It does seem that the mountain became quite lopsided.

A straight road and beautiful mountain will not exist until we get to heaven.  The road here on earth is scattered with crookedness.  The beautiful mountain that is trying to be attained will always just be beyond our reach because when you attain it, it will always be lopsided.  This is not to say that there are not good times or fun times because there are.  They are all there on that crooked road that leads to the lopsided mountain.

The good news is that there is a Savior that will help a person down the crooked road that leads to the lopsided mountain.  The crooked road and lopsided mountains are part of the journey.  The Journey that will lead to Jesus!

Where is your crooked road leading you?

Luke 3:4-6New International Version (NIV)

4 As it is written in the book of the words of Isaiah the prophet:

“A voice of one calling in the wilderness,
‘Prepare the way for the Lord,
    make straight paths for him.
5 Every valley shall be filled in,
    every mountain and hill made low.
The crooked roads shall become straight,
    the rough ways smooth.
6 And all people will see God’s salvation.’”[a]