The Journey Continues: A look back at woe, despair and something else!

This journey that my husband has been traveling has been an adventure sparked with hope, love and prayers.  Even though I have not felt the pain of cancer, chemo and transplants, I have shared my husband's pain and despair.  This has affected every member of our immediate family. But every step of the way we have felt the prayers and love of our Christian friends as they have went to their knees on our behalf. 

I have been thinking back to the first twenty-four hours that Richard spent in ICU.  This was a stressful time that Richard does not really remember.  I seem to be able to remember each second and sometimes in slow motion.  Around four that morning a nurse came to get me and told me they were going to have to put my husband on the ventilator and made the remark that he hoped that Richard would make it through the procedure.  We walked very fast through the hall, down to the ICU unit but each second seemed like hours as time froze.  I got to see him for about 30 seconds then they booted me back to the waiting room.  I was sweating but I was cold as I sat and prayed for my husband, not sure what to expect.  I looked up and seen the Dr. coming toward me with sad eyes.  She sat down and told me that Richard's prognosis was not good and I might want to call the children.  I was full of much woe and despair as the Dr. cried with me and hugged me.  I told her that I wanted to pray before calling the children and she left me sitting there.  I sat there and talked to my Almighty God and finally told Him that I knew He was in control, that Richard was His not mine.  That is when I felt something else.  It was the peace of God flooding my soul and a knowing that we would be OK.

Richard does not really remember this part of the night.  He was struggling to breathe, his lungs completely full of fluids.  His kidneys had shut down and they had him sedated and paralyzed with drugs.  He told me that even though he doesn't remember the pain and the struggle of that night he remembers that God took him to the mountain top.  He remembers that God told him that He was not finished with him yet but that Richard needed to rest for awhile.  He said after that he just felt peace.  The peace of resting in God's Hand.

God's Hand is what got our family through this time of woe and despair and also the triumph of bringing Richard home.  There could be more trials and triumphs as we finish this journey but we know that with God we will not finish it alone!!!

Jeremiah 29:11-12

New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹² Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.